As I sit down to write this, all of the reasons I chose to walk away from the bad relationships in my life escape me. Instead maybe I’ll just decide to write whatever the Lord lays on my heart.
Let’s start with this..
sadness because one has no friends or company.
“feelings of depression and loneliness”
(of a place) the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.
“the loneliness of the farm”
Today as I sat down at the lunch table next to the people I used to be closest with, you see, I had recently let go of some of the longest friendships I have had. (that’s another story, for another day) But anyways, we were still on good enough terms to still be civil and sit together and hangout occasionally. But today something resonated within me. I had never in my life, felt as alone as I had at that moment. It was as if I was on the outside looking in. They were conversing and laughing, but not once was there a word directed towards me. Not even a single glance. Everything in me wanted to just take my lunch tray elsewhere, but, I stayed. During my stay I endured what seemed like forever of being ignored and excluded, and for somebody who is usually outgoing and talkative, this was uncomfortable for me. But even with what seemed like torture, God taught me something.
Later that day, after the long awaited physics class I was walking to my car. I saw them, they were talking and walking towards one of their cars. It was parked right next to mine. Not once did anyone make eye contact with me. Not once did anyone ask me if I wanted to come along. Not once did they even offer a wave bye. I soberly got in my car and drove off. Feeling even more empty than I did at lunch, I reached my breaking point. I drove to the burger king parking lot and I cried. Loneliness was all I could feel. It enveloped me. I longed to just be in the presence of someone who cared and loved me.
So I drove to a friends house. She is a wise young woman who I knew I could open up to. I went over and she opened the door with a sweet smile. We went to the kitchen and I instantly poured my guts on the table. All of the heartache and loneliness I had felt that day was there, out in the open, for all to see. After a quiet pause, her words started mending me back together again. Thinking about it now.. I could hear Jesus’ sweet voice, speaking through her, and He was saying, “I protect you, because I know that under temptation you would fail.” and “I hide you under my wings and keep you safe from those who would seek to devour you.” I could hear His voice so clearly. She ended with, “Sometimes it’s a good thing we don’t get invited because it’s like He’s saying, I’ve got you, you’re safe here with me. Don’t worry my beloved.”
Hearing these words, I light heartedly smiled in agreement. Guiltily not really taking in the words she was saying right at that time. Until later on that night, I was bible journaling and I came across a scripture that I would like to share with you..
Psalms 100 : 1-4 & 6
1. I will sing of steadfast love and justice;
to you, O Lord, I will make music.
2. I will ponder the way that is blameless.
Oh when will you come to see me?
I will walk with integrity of heart
within my house;
3. I will not set before my eyes
anything that is worthless.
I hate the work of those who fall away;
it shall not cling to me.
4. A perverse heart shall be far from me;
I will know nothing of evil.
6. I will look with favor on the faithful in the land,
that they may dwell with me;
he who walks in the way that is blameless
shall minister to me.
This scripture says to me that this walk we take daily as believers, is not for everyone. In verse 3, it says “I hate the work of those who fall away, it shall not cling to me.” That in itself states that we are going to encounter those in our lives that just are not going to walk the path of righteousness. Even people we thought had our best intentions are going to have to be severed from our lives. Those friendships and relationships shall not cling to us.
So in the lonely and in the abandonment, just know that He will always be there. He will always be the one to give you that fulfilling feeling you long for. And even in the lonely, look at it as this: He is protecting you and is keeping you safe by not even giving the enemy a chance to sift you.
He sees the potential in you, and He sees the yearning of true change and He is giving you a time of rest. Don’t look at the lonely days as days of sadness, but as in resting in Him. Searching Him out. Seeking His face. Letting His love reign in you and over you.